Goodbye For Now, Sweet Baby

           Sweet sister with her baby brother... we are blessed indeed.

I sit here... in "The Chair" and sob. My gut aches and my heart is heavy.

This is my third pregnancy. I am so very blessed by my two little ones but this third will be greatly missed. Smiles unseen, laughter unheard, until that day... that blessed day when I enter heaven's gates and meet my little one.

I am only about 6 to 7 weeks along, still to early to detect much from a sonogram. And even though I never heard a heartbeat or saw the little one it is still my baby - a precious gift from God.

My babies having fun with Daddy on the 4th of July!

My three-year-old was so very happy to welcome another baby into our family. When I told her yesterday, after returning from a visit with our midwife, that our baby wasn't going to be born, that it had died, she said, "Oh, that's so sad. Are you ready to go outside and play?" To have the heart of a child... able to take information in and feel emotion and then move on to the next thing.


Me... I am dwelling. I'm dwelling in the pain. Not that I want to sit around a sulk, but I want to live in the moment. I want to learn and grow from this experience, not shut my heart off to the feelings or harden my emotions. I want to be soft, moldable, teachable.


I believe with all my heart that the Lord will bless us with more children one day, but today I remember this one. This child that He created and loves. This baby that He blessed us with for a very short time. This baby counts. This baby is loved too.


And now to tell the world, all our friends and family that we aren't expecting anymore. It's something I dread. Even so, I pray that my life will be a testimony of God's goodness and love. That by my openness and transparency, many would be drawn to Christ. Even in pain the Lord is near... He is near to the broken-hearted.

Yes... we still are.

Here are a few verses that I'm clinging to now:

(I inserted my name to make it more personal)

"Because Megan has set her love upon Me,

Therefore I will deliver her;

I will set her on high, because she has known My name.

She shall call upon Me, and I will answer her;

I will be with her in trouble;

I will deliver her and honor her,

With long life I will satisfy her,

And show her My salvation."

Psalm 91:14-16

All of Psalm 34 is encouraging, but these verses are mine today:

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears,

And delivers them out of all their troubles.

The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,

And saves such as have a contrite spirit."

Psalm 34:17and18

I searched the Psalms and complied a list, straight from the Word,

of what the Lord is to me.

He is:

• My support
• My shield
• My Shepherd
• My comforter
• The strength of my life
• Good
• My deliverer
• My provider
• My help
• My guide
• My place of rest
• My hope

"My beloved is mine, and I am his."

Song of Sol. 2:16

Resting in His tender mercies,

Beauty That Never Fades {Thoughtful Momma Monday}

Thoughtful Momma Monday

photo credit

I am participating in the Gentleness Challenge over at Courtney's blog, and have been thinking on gentleness throughout each day... the verse that comes to my mind first is:

Do not let your adornment be merely outward-arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel- rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.  1 Peter 3:3-4

A gentle and quiet spirit does not come naturally to me... it's something I have to ask God to help me with.

I need help to:

• Bite my tongue - I don't have all the answers.
• Slow down - My hands reflect my heart, especially with my children. Whether it's when brushing my daughter's hair or dressing my son for the day I need to be soft and easy with my hands - imparting peace and love.
• Listen - not just hear the words that someone is telling me, but truly listen to them - with my eyes, ears and heart.
• Sit still - in God's presence. It's a busy life we lead. Family to care for, friends to visit with, and a "To Do" list that's ever-growing. My Jesus desires my attention and affection. I need to sit still.

My heart wants all these things but I know it's impossible outside of God's grace.

I choose to daily ask for help from the One who made me and knows me, even better than I know myself.

ALL things are possible! I'm excited for a new season of growth in my life. Thank you, Lord!!!


Have a wonderfully, blessed week,

 

You can read more about the Gentleness Challenge here:

 

1 John Bible Study and My Testimony!

Words I love: "GOOD MORNING GIRLS!"

Thanks to Courtney from Women Living Well, I have joined thousands of women in a walk through 1 John this fall. It's a verse-by-verse Bible study where you read in your own quiet time each day and then connect with your accountability group. Courtney's enthusiasm for the Word of God and love for others is so encouraging.

My dear friend Deanna and I started a group on Facebook called Busy Mommas GMG Group! It started with the two of us and as of today we have 15 wonderful ladies in our group!

Each of us are taking time to introduce ourselves, write a little about our families and also our testimonies! I LOVE making new friends with like-minded women of God!

I know that the next three months will pass quickly and I'm very excited to measure my spiritual growth at the end of it - just in time to celebrate Jesus' birth!

So far (this is only day #3), I have been challenged by 1 John to SHARE my testimony and NOT hold back. I am to GIVE a good report of what the Lord has done in my life and to share with others what He has taught me in His Word!!!


The biggest revelation to impact me on Day #2 (1 John 1:2) was the word "bear witness" - it's the word martyreō which means "to affirm what one has seen, heard, or experienced something or that he knows it because taught by divine revelation or inspiration" (YES!). It also means "to GIVE (not keep back) testimony, give a good report and implore".


So... here goes... (I didn't start this post with the idea of sharing my testimony but I'm glad to!)



I was born into a loving, Christian home. My parents had been saved for a few years and when their firstborn baby girl came along, I'm sure they wanted to parent by the books and by the Spirit.

I remember my mom and dad praying over me each night before going to sleep, singing sweet songs in the Spirit, and encouraging my sister and I to know and love Jesus.

We went to church twice (or more) times a week, attending Sunday school and other classes for kids. During the week I also attended the Christian school that was held in our church building - memorizing scripture and learning about God in each class.

My parents weren't perfect but they loved, protected, and taught us so very well. I'm so grateful for them!

Mom and Dad - May 2011

The summer I turned 11, my parents held a garage sale to sell everything that wouldn't fit in the back of our van (or that we weren't storing somewhere), and we moved to Mexico.

For three years we assisted various churches, ministries,and an orphanage, and lead Bible studies in our home. My sister and I learned Spanish pretty quickly and the experiences we had there I wouldn't change for anything. They are forever imprinted on my heart.

When we returned from the mission field I didn't know where I belonged. My friends had grown and changed, as did I. I returned to my private school for 9th grade and enjoyed it mostly.

10th grade brought many changes, the biggest one - starting public school for the first time! I had never ridden a bus to school, never been in a graduating class larger than 30 students, and had NEVER heard the filthy language that I heard by just walking down the halls of my school!

First day of 10th grade - Me and my Dad!

I made some great friends on the track and cross country team - people of character and focus. I learned a lot from joining those two sports. But as I continued making different friends my interests changed.

I took up smoking cigarettes. Then went to a party here and there. Drank a bit. Tried smoking pot. I kept telling myself, "If I'm a sinner and a bad person, even if just a little bit, I'm not going to pretend I'm GOOD. I'll just do what I want." Looking back I hadn't truly experienced Christ's amazing grace. Yes, I had invited Jesus into my heart at age 3, asked Him to be Lord of my life at age 7, and had been water baptized at age 10. But for some reason I had to experience Him saving me from myself, my sin, my filth after I wallowed in it a while.

After high school (graduating only by my parent's prayers and encouragement) I moved out on my own - well not completely. I told my parents, and other "good" Christian friends that I lived on my own when really my boyfriend was living with me.

I was living in sin up to my eyeballs and I knew it. I thought in my heart, " I can choose to do the right thing another day, this feels good so I'm doing it!". But the truth is SIN brings DEATH.

James 1:14-15
But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.

Romans 6:3
For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I was dying, not living. I wasn't living to the potential that I know God had created me for. The Word of God was hidden in my heart and I couldn't escape the Truth!!!

My parents continued to PRAY for me and LOVE me. I felt a change coming.

In June 2002, I was sitting in my studio apartment and I had a day of visitation. God clearly set two choices before me. To the right I saw myself as a mother - filthy, strung out on drugs and dragging her unhappy kids behind her. I knew that is NOT what I wanted for me and my future children.

To the left I could only see a few feet in front of me. It was a dark path, an unknown one. But there was peace, joy and LIFE! I knew that God was inviting me to follow HIM! To walk by faith, not by sight. To trust His plan for my life - that it was a good one.

Only by God's great grace did I choose Him. (John 15:16)

Choosing to live for Christ and not for my own, fleshly desires has brought such freedom and joy to my heart! I was able to spend the next six months serving in my local church and preparing for Bible school .

I attended Christ for the Nations Institute in 2003 & 2004. Graduated from Dallas Baptist University with a BAS in communications in 2006 and then interned with an outstanding missions organization in 2007 & 2008.

On April 12, 2008 I married a wonderful man of God who puts my needs and desires before his own. He is a caring father and has such a loving heart. I am blessed by him every day! I am also blessed by my two beautiful children. We are walking in ministry as a family and I look forward to where God will lead us in the future.

Jeff and I on our wedding day

Our sweet babies - almost a year ago



I could have never imagined where God would take me when I said YES to Him and to His will. It is better than anything I could have dreamed up and is the answer to my heart's deepest desires!

If you have not given Jesus Christ complete control of your past, present and future will you do so today? He is not power-hungry but full of mercy and compassionate. (Psalm 145:8) He has more GOOD in store for you and your life than you can imagine!

Sorry this got so long. I pray you are blessed by my testimony of God's goodness.


Blessings,

I'm linked up with:



and



Untamable

This morning James challenged me to do something impossible:

Tame my tongue!

Staying cool in the Texas heat

Lately it has been difficult to have the self control to BE QUIET!

The Word tells us how powerful our tongue is.

When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal.
Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go.
Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts.
Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue.
It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness.
Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.
James 3:3-10

 

At first glance I felt a bit hopeless... it's right there in God's Word - it's impossible to tame the tongue. I thought, "Well, I must not be the only one who struggles with this if it's impossible!".

But then I read it again. See the words in bold? "No Man" - which leaves room only for divine help.

Then I looked around that section of verses. It's sandwiched between the faith/works duo and the description of heavenly wisdom. Oh my!

To me, in my life right now, this encourages me to have faith in God that He is working in me as I ask for His help with my emotions and what I say to others. I can have faith and BE QUIET! I can have faith and trust that God will work things out for my good as I don't take everything into my own hands.

Also, I need God's great wisdom that is, "first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere." (James 3:17) That's the kind of lineup that I want in my life!

I just happened to glance in the front of my church meeting journal today and guess what I came across?!
In January 2010 I was asking God for the same thing! I was studying James and learning about wisdom and taming the tongue. This woman needs to be reminded over and over of such elementary principles! I hope that this time around the lesson sticks.

I pray that this small study encourages your heart! Have faith in God and seek wisdom from above - He alone is faithful!

Sooo looking forward to posting more food for thought as well as some great recipes this week!

Blessings!

Megan